The Past:
We were made aware of a birth-mom who needed to place due to her
personal choices landing her in some legal trouble. The unique situation
meant that we had no contact with her personally. The situation wasn't
what I expected our adoption experience would be like. She didn't know
us and we didn't know her. I was very cautious in the beginning. I
tried not to hope. The funny thing about hope, is that she is a tricky
tricky bitch. Just when you think that you are holding strong she finds
her way beneath your skin and invades your body. She penetrates your
heart and gets comfy. All the while you think you are NOT HOPING you are
really hoping at your core. I bought clothes for a tiny human. I bought
a pack n play (did you know that they cost almost as much as an
ipad?!?) I knit some more baby things. I told a few friends. I waited
for a baby boy to be born...
The Present:
A few weeks ago we found out that the birth-mom chose a different
family. My heart has been heavy ever since. I can't seem to shake the
feeling of loss. Part of me thinks it is utterly ridiculous for me to
have feelings of grief. I never really had anything to begin with. It is
not a constant pain, but more of an ache that suddenly comes upon me
when I find myself in certain situations. I have to remind myself that
it will happen. We will become parents. I just have to have patience and
wait. Unfortunately, I have never been really great at waiting.
The Future:
We will become parents...
